ANGER
"Anger
is a normal emotion with a wide range of intensity from mild irritation
to a perceived threat to themselves, Our loved ones, Our property, Our
self-Image or some part of our Identity".
"Anger is a warning bell that tells us that something is wrong".
Anger is not always a sin. There is a type of anger of which the bible approves, often called "RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION". God is angry
"God is a righteous judge, a God who displays his wrath every day"
Psalms 7:11
"He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored". Mark 3:5
and believers are commanded to be angry “In your anger do not sin” Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry" Ephesians 4:26).
"God is a righteous judge, a God who displays his wrath every day"
Psalms 7:11
"He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored". Mark 3:5
and believers are commanded to be angry “In your anger do not sin” Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry" Ephesians 4:26).
What is Righteous Indignation?
Righteous
Indignation is typically a reactive emotion of anger over perceived
mistreatment, Insult or Malice. It is Akin to what is called "Sense of
Injustices". In some christian doctrines, righteous Indignation is
considered the only form of anger which is not sinful e.g When Jesus
drove the money lender out of the temple "And
Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and
bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and
the seats of them that sold doves,
And said unto them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves".
Matthew 21:12-13.
And said unto them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves".
Matthew 21:12-13.
COMPONENT OF ANGER
Anger is actually a complex emotion, even though it feels like basic emotion. It is a combination of underlying emotions, primarily painful emotions. They all just happen so quickly that we tend not to think about them.
- SHOCK:- I can't believe this is happening to me.
- GRIEF:- Grief is the reason why some of us cry when we get angry, when we get disappointed.
- QUESTIONING:- When we realize what happened, we immediately begin to question why it happened .e.g. Why did you do that?
- ASSUMING:- This is where we have the choice to either step back and solve problems or let ourselves fall into anger .e.g. I think this happened because I'm stupid, and I'm always going to be stupid.
- RESPONDING:- Your response is what people see when you get angry.
- YELLING
- INSULTING
- THREATENING
- PLANNING REVENGE
- PRETENDING ANGER DOESN'T EXIST
TIPS TO TAME YOUR TEMPER
THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK:- In the heat moment, it's easy to say something you'll inter reject. Take a few moment to collect your thoughts before saying anything and allow others involved in the solution to do the same.
ONCE YOU'RE CALM, EXPRESS YOUR ANGER: As soon as you're thinks clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but non-confrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.
GET SOME EXERCISE:- Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend sometime doing other enjoyable physical activities.
TAKE A TIMEOUT:- Time out aren't just for kids. Give yourself short break during times of the day that tend to be stressful. A few moment of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what's ahead without getting irritated or angry.
IDENTIFY POSSIBLE SOLUTION:- Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every-night? Schedule meals later in the evening or agree to eat on your own few times a week. Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything and might only make it worse.
STICK TO THE WORD "I" STATEMENT:-To avoid criticizing or placing blame which might only increase tension use "I" statement to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example say "I'm upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes" Instead of "You never do and house work"
DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE:- Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feeling, you might find Yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or "Sense of Injustice". But you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation. It's unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want at all times.
PRACTICE RELAXATION SKILL:- When your temper flares, Put relation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, Imagine a relaxation scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase such as "TAKE IT CALM". You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses. Whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.