“FIGHTING AND LOSING” OR “FORGIVING AND WINNING” – MATTHEW 18:18-35
Every marriage has its rough edges but in a good marriage, everyone is willing to listen to each other in order to agree and smoothen the rough parts. In marriage-scuffle, nobody wins. The only way to win is to forgive. The two has become one, so bear in mind that whatever you do to your husband or wife, you do to yourself.
When the husband and wife are in agreement with each other, there is power because two are better than one when they agree (Eccl. 4:9). Note that marital bliss is not in the Ring Worn or the Bed Shared that could scare away the devil but it is in the power of agreement between the two parties involved.
Forgiveness in marriage means Releasing and Resolving every matter as soon as you can i.e. getting every quarrel off your mind as soon as possible. Learning to say “I AM SORRY” goes a long way in making marriages work. It helps undo many wrongs and it can help prevent many broken homes.
Have it in mind also that the way you apologize determines the rate at which you experience peace. Feel the way your spouse felt when he/she was hurt and let your apology be sincere.
Note that If you cannot give a sincere apology and accept apology sincerely, then, you’re not a good marriage material. Do not, for any reason, marry anyone you can’t tolerate his/her weakness or one you can’t forgive easily because a house divided against itself shall not stand.
Two things make forgiveness very easy:
*Humility *Love that makes up this formula:
Humility + Love = Grace for forgiveness.
If you love your spouse enough, you won’t find it too difficult to forgive him/her. Also, if you are humble enough, saying “I Am Sorry” will not be too difficult for you. When you easily forgive your spouse or easily tender sincere apologies – you are sowing good seeds into your marriage. Always bear in mind that forgiveness is like a cycle – what goes around will always come around.
The most accused must not always be the one to say, “I am sorry”. Both parties should learn to apologize to each other.
Handling crisis in marriage also demands a considerable level of communication. Communication is not just about talking; it’s more about understanding. If you want to be heard and understood well during communication, you must also listen with keen interest and have a desire to understand. Your desire to understand makes your spouse talk to you. Learning the art of communication helps a lot in making marriages work.
Marriage is about negotiation. For Peace to reign in the home, it has to be through negotiation and to get a good and effective communication. Never create an impression that you don’t have time to listen to what your spouse is saying. Do everything possible to create time for yourself at home.
In managing crisis, there are three (3) important questions you must ask yourselves:
1. Have I really been in his/her shoe? – This question will make it easy for you to tolerate each other.
2. Have I gone the extra mile according to God’s word?
3. Hope I am not rejoicing in my spouse’s iniquity, weakness or downfall?
These questions will help you overlook each other’s flaws easily if only you can effectively practice it.
If Christ could go to the extent of dying on the cross in order to wave of our sins, then I think we should prepare to do our best to ensure that we make easy forgiveness a habit in our homes. We should always note that creating something that will create peace is a good remedy to make peace reign in a troubled home.
Fighting will only make you lose while forgiving will bring you victory. If you keep fighting, you’ll keep losing, but if you keep forgiving, you’ll keep winning.